Is it enough to “just” believe or do you have to “see” to believe?
While I had never used the old adage, “I first have to see to believe” when it came to God. I have always believed in God and Jesus, but it never really went beyond that because I always thought believing was most importantly, what mattered. I was also told that “all you have to do is to ask Jesus to come in, to your heart.” And it was that simple. However, this was something that I did not believe could be so simple. That is, up until three years ago. When the Holy Spirit came to me, by way of a song, “Back to God”. He told me of two things that I had to do, I would have to get down on my knees and believe. That was the easy part because I have always believed. Then he told me, “Give it back to God.” Give what back? How? Why? Well, he then told me why. Because I am worth saving.
So many years of emotions that I put in the back of my mind began flooding out. These were emotions that were bad for me, while for others, these same emotions were not so bad. By this time, I had been going to a church by, and for, myself for a little over a year. However, it was not any church, it was a Catholic Church. Up until then, I had always thought all churches and religions were the same in that they all believed in God, in one form or another, and why I always considered myself a person of “non-denominational. So, what else was I supposed to do? By this time, COVID-19 was in its infancy, everything was closed, and people were forced to isolate themselves. Including the churches. The one place that could answer the questions that I began having. Who was I going to turn to? How am I supposed to give my life back to God when I do not know how? More emotions overflowing but not in a good way. As anxiety and depression started setting in, I began shutting people down and out. If you couldn’t answer the question that I was beginning to have, I didn’t want you near. But how could you know what answers to give if I was afraid to speak up and ask? I turned to the one thing I never knew would be the most life-changing event for me. I began praying. The LORD told me that I already possess the answers that I was seeking. But where? I opened the bible, a Catholic Bible, and thus my spiritual journey began.
Other than knowing of the beginning of life through Genesis in the Old Testament. And the beginning of the Life of Jesus Christ through Matthew, the first book in the New Testament. There was nothing I knew from the bible. So, I just opened it and began reading. Which happened to be The Book of Ben Sirach. Ben Sirach is one of seven books from the catholic bible that a person will not recognize in the King James Version of the Bible because of them being removed. Today, I do not remember exactly which chapter I opened up to but the verses read, had intrigued me enough to go to the beginning of Sirach and read it from chapter one to the end of the last verse, in the last chapter (Chapter 51). The first chapter speaks of only one person in the universe that has the greatest wisdom above all else, God. All wisdom comes from the LORD and remains with him forever (Chapter 1:1). Chapter one goes on to speak of fear.
"The Fear of the LORD, is glory and exultation, gladness, and a festive crown. The Fear of the LORD rejoices the heart, giving gladness, joy, and long life. Those who Fear the LORD will be happy at the end, even on the day of death they will be blessed. The beginning of wisdom is to Fear the LORD. The fullness of wisdom is to Fear the LORD." (Chapter 1:11-14, 16).
How can putting so much emphasis on something through FEAR be so intriguing and yet, so enlightening? Normally when a person is afraid of something, they will remove themselves from the situation by running away from the unknown of what lies around the corner. All my life, I was afraid of what lies around the corner, so I would stop short of making that turn and often wondering of what I may have missed out on. Not this time though, I was told that it was time to give my life back to God, Though I still didn’t know how, I wanted to learn, so I continued to read more.
"Among wisdom’s treasures is the model for knowledge; but godliness is an abomination to the sinner." (Chapter1:25)
Oh no, just as I wanted to know more, that one word popped up! Sinner! At my age, with so many sins, how is the LORD going to accept me back? At this, I almost closed the bible but this time, because of the FEAR of not knowing what lies around the corner AND wanting to know, I continued reading. I also knew in my mind, that if I did close the bible at this point, I would not have opened it back up.
"If you desire wisdom, keep the commandments, and the LORD will bestow her upon you, For the Fear of the LORD is wisdom and discipline, faithfulness and humility are his delight." (Chapter 1:26-27).
Hint number one, to learn more of God’s wisdom, I need to be more disciplined and become more faithful to the LORD, but how, is what I kept wanting to ask, but still not able to because of COVID-19 and the Fear of Speaking up.
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